Though you would have to concede

            its picture perfect rural beauty

            here for the record are the things

            you wouldn’t like about the place.

            The middle of the countryside

            such a distance from anywhere.

            The crowded transport

            transferring from the airport.

            The open windows to keep the place cool

            inviting houseflies.

            The doorway dogs, the ever-darting

            omnipresent lizards.

            The lack of television.

            The steps, useful for others,

            which would be impossible for you.

            Around those steps the lavender

            which at home would aid your sleeping

            but here for you a nightmare,

            attracting wasps and bees.

            The spider’s improbably small body,

            impossibly spindly long legs,

            waiting in the shower room, patiently.

            Also the tiny white spider

            – I bet you never saw an entirely white spider!

            The mosquitoes, the hornets.

            The blood-sucking horseflies

            almost certainly lining up to feast upon

            you in particular.

            The bats awaiting

            the chance to be entangled in

            your lush long hair.

            The swimming pool that would be out of bounds for you.

            The conversation in which you would not wish to speak.

            The revelation before bedtime

            concerning the cleaner’s cat,

            its trophy mice and

            the minor flea infestation

            – successfully eradicated we think

            but let us know if you get bitten.

            As for me,

            the only aspect of the French place

            I do not appreciate

            is you

            not being here.